I have never liked to say I couldn't do something, but there are some things I feel I can not do. Ride a huge roller coaster for example or sing solo in front of a large audience. My body feels as though it wont let me. No matter how much I want to, I can't. I look at it and think it is strange that my body can tell me what to do better than my brain sometimes. Sometimes I want to run fast and far yet my body feels like Jello and will not go. For the first time in my life I have felt strong. Well stronger than before. My body feels strong and healthy. My head although weighed down with life is free like it has never been. And my spirit.. feels alive. Even between working full time (actual work not just holding cute babies all day), two college classes, classes for work, and having time to clean the house, homework, dinner, and writing this long blog. I made it and I am still making it.
I love being busy there is something that makes my world seem right when I never have time to breathe. So to say 'I couldn't do something I don't have time,' time is all i have. I have so much more to learn, so much more to see, so much more to be. It's that potential I have to be someone that gets me up every morning in hope that being someone might start today. I can be what I would like to be in life but in the end I hope that I can be someone not just for me but for everyone that needed me. Potential is always looked down on, such as when someone say "You have potential, but.." How many of us dwell on that 'but'? And how many of us dwell on our potential? I have the potential to be someone. I am not sure what I will be but I hope it can be said that I was a Wife, a Mother, a Lover, a Giver, a Friend. There is not much more in life to hope for but that.
We have memories of the people that have shaped us to who we have become. But we ultimately had to chose to be that person we are now. Examples in life are the people that have shown us their true character and we have chosen to be like them. My Mother is strong, giving, and beautiful in all the ways a mother should be. My Father is independant and honest. Now the hundreds of others that have shaped my choice to be what I can become are people that probably don't even know. I have watched people unhappily living their life. I have seen those in desperate search for attention turn to vile things that have shaped them and they cannot escape. I have seen the worst in people. Yet, everyone has a side that they are not proud of but it depends on who knows they can be the best or settle (on things around them or on themselves.)
Everyone has the potential for greatness, more than they could imagine. I can be great and I can be what I choose to be. No one can pick my life for me. That is why it is mine. My Life.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
A Choice
Sometimes life has a twist. One twist that effects every outcome for the rest of your life. The one thing that will change your choice of direction forever. My twist changed everything but it didn’t define who I am. Just who I could be, depending on my choices after it.
My choice started October almost two years ago. When my best friend knelt down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Right then my choice was the easiest choice I have ever made ‘yes.’
From that moment to the next when asked if I would be his wife, another ‘yes,’ my life made sense. My convictions made sense. I had made my choice. I loved him, I always would. I didn’t know then that those were the easiest choices of my life.
I was what you could call happily married. People would still refer to us as ‘the lovebirds’ a year after we were married. And we were. We were still best friends and spent all our time together trying new things and having fun. We had our set backs, our little marriage problems but essentially we were happy. Making decisions together, making our life together really work. Was it always easy? No. Was it worth it? Oh yes.
Until I made a choice. A choice to try being happy in a new sense. One I have never seen before, felt or experienced. I felt I deserved this happiness that people experience in real life without limitations and boundaries.
I felt love through the most worldliness of eyes. I felt passion and experienced fate, or so I thought. I thought if this was life I should be living it to the fullest measure. Not measuring how much I was giving up for this ‘happiness.’
I’ve seen the world through different eyes. It is almost surreal to feel this way, as though I have been watching someone else’s movie and I had a strange connection with the main character.
A choice is something that defines who you are and who you will be. A choice will decide your fate, as I have learned fate doesn’t come to you. I believe our soul’s have many mates. Many people in the world we connect with. We all marry our soul mates because we connect with their souls stronger than anyone else’s we had met. But that doesn’t mean there is on one mate for your soul. We are humans we are meant to connect with other beings. Sometimes a strange connection when you meet someone for the first time and feel as though you have known them for a life time or the friend you have had for years that your soul connects with easily each time you drift apart or the one you love. Your soul connects in many of the same ways. That is why we are different than any other species, we choose. It is the choice, good or bad, that can make us see the worth of our souls and sometimes even make us grow.
I have seen life from different eyes. I am not proud but I have learned that true happiness is real. It is in making choices that make you lift your head proud of who you are and who you could be. I have learned the secret to being happy, not momentarily happy but truly happy, it is called confidence. Confidence is where you walk taller knowing you have been loved, dream bigger knowing you can accomplish any goal and smile, a real smile, because you know that in the end you will be happy with who you have become. A happiness that can cut through any spin in time or small act of fate. The thing is you have to make the right choices to find this happiness, the eternal kind. I promise you then you will have a lingering smile all the time because you will know who you are. You will know you are strong and have conquered what others have feared or don’t even know about. But you will hold your head high because you might be the only one who knows you made it through your struggle and you are still alive. I think it is enough though just knowing that I made it. I made my choice to be happy, forever.
My choice started October almost two years ago. When my best friend knelt down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Right then my choice was the easiest choice I have ever made ‘yes.’
From that moment to the next when asked if I would be his wife, another ‘yes,’ my life made sense. My convictions made sense. I had made my choice. I loved him, I always would. I didn’t know then that those were the easiest choices of my life.
I was what you could call happily married. People would still refer to us as ‘the lovebirds’ a year after we were married. And we were. We were still best friends and spent all our time together trying new things and having fun. We had our set backs, our little marriage problems but essentially we were happy. Making decisions together, making our life together really work. Was it always easy? No. Was it worth it? Oh yes.
Until I made a choice. A choice to try being happy in a new sense. One I have never seen before, felt or experienced. I felt I deserved this happiness that people experience in real life without limitations and boundaries.
I felt love through the most worldliness of eyes. I felt passion and experienced fate, or so I thought. I thought if this was life I should be living it to the fullest measure. Not measuring how much I was giving up for this ‘happiness.’
I’ve seen the world through different eyes. It is almost surreal to feel this way, as though I have been watching someone else’s movie and I had a strange connection with the main character.
A choice is something that defines who you are and who you will be. A choice will decide your fate, as I have learned fate doesn’t come to you. I believe our soul’s have many mates. Many people in the world we connect with. We all marry our soul mates because we connect with their souls stronger than anyone else’s we had met. But that doesn’t mean there is on one mate for your soul. We are humans we are meant to connect with other beings. Sometimes a strange connection when you meet someone for the first time and feel as though you have known them for a life time or the friend you have had for years that your soul connects with easily each time you drift apart or the one you love. Your soul connects in many of the same ways. That is why we are different than any other species, we choose. It is the choice, good or bad, that can make us see the worth of our souls and sometimes even make us grow.
I have seen life from different eyes. I am not proud but I have learned that true happiness is real. It is in making choices that make you lift your head proud of who you are and who you could be. I have learned the secret to being happy, not momentarily happy but truly happy, it is called confidence. Confidence is where you walk taller knowing you have been loved, dream bigger knowing you can accomplish any goal and smile, a real smile, because you know that in the end you will be happy with who you have become. A happiness that can cut through any spin in time or small act of fate. The thing is you have to make the right choices to find this happiness, the eternal kind. I promise you then you will have a lingering smile all the time because you will know who you are. You will know you are strong and have conquered what others have feared or don’t even know about. But you will hold your head high because you might be the only one who knows you made it through your struggle and you are still alive. I think it is enough though just knowing that I made it. I made my choice to be happy, forever.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
These past few months have definatly been a challenge. In faith, love and life. Sometimes things don't work out the way you expect. Most the time they don't. Ever since we have moved things have been falling apart around us. In realizing this we both became stressed and life became harder and harder. Each challenge we have had has either brought us closer together or farther apart. It depended on how close we were to the gospel.
In 1 Nephi 14:1 it says "And it shall come to pass, that if the Gentiles shall harken unto the Lamb of God in that day that he shall manifest himself unto them in word, and also in power, in very deed, unto the taking away of their stumbling blocks." We all have stumbling blocks in life. Little things that sometimes we think we can never get over. "Because sometimes that mountain that you are climbing is only just a grain of sand." Without our Christ and his atonement we would not be able to make it back to be with our Father in Heaven again. To be with our eternal families. Satan will tempt us daily to give this notion up, that we can be eternal families. He will tempt us with large and small things but we have to fight. He has dug such 'a great pit' so he can drag us all down to be with him. He has no care for who we are as people, he only cares that he can get as many as he can.
In my life I have been tried and tested over and over again, each more challenging than the last. The only peace I have ever found in my life is the gospel. It may at times be hard to live but without the gospel it is harder to live and be eternally happy. We all struggle in our lives with something or another that we believe no one else could understand. Christ understands. If we turn to him with true faith and conviction in our hearts of the truth.. He will be there. If I have learned anything through all of this it has been the love of God.. No matter our choices he loves us more than we know.. My family has been so loving and supportive of me and my life. I love them so much.. Thank you for being with me and waiting.. The 2x4 methood came.. I'm glad it didn't come too late.. Before I lost everything that is important to me..
And Stewart thank you.. Words can't even began to express my love for you.. We can only get stronger from all of this.. You have given me everything and I can't even begin to start on where we are going in life.. But as long as we are together we will make it through anything.. Thank you for being there, for your support, your love, your forgivness... I love you so much...
Then lyrics By Brad Paisely
I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then
Chorus
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then
And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then
Chorus
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then
I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then
In 1 Nephi 14:1 it says "And it shall come to pass, that if the Gentiles shall harken unto the Lamb of God in that day that he shall manifest himself unto them in word, and also in power, in very deed, unto the taking away of their stumbling blocks." We all have stumbling blocks in life. Little things that sometimes we think we can never get over. "Because sometimes that mountain that you are climbing is only just a grain of sand." Without our Christ and his atonement we would not be able to make it back to be with our Father in Heaven again. To be with our eternal families. Satan will tempt us daily to give this notion up, that we can be eternal families. He will tempt us with large and small things but we have to fight. He has dug such 'a great pit' so he can drag us all down to be with him. He has no care for who we are as people, he only cares that he can get as many as he can.
In my life I have been tried and tested over and over again, each more challenging than the last. The only peace I have ever found in my life is the gospel. It may at times be hard to live but without the gospel it is harder to live and be eternally happy. We all struggle in our lives with something or another that we believe no one else could understand. Christ understands. If we turn to him with true faith and conviction in our hearts of the truth.. He will be there. If I have learned anything through all of this it has been the love of God.. No matter our choices he loves us more than we know.. My family has been so loving and supportive of me and my life. I love them so much.. Thank you for being with me and waiting.. The 2x4 methood came.. I'm glad it didn't come too late.. Before I lost everything that is important to me..
And Stewart thank you.. Words can't even began to express my love for you.. We can only get stronger from all of this.. You have given me everything and I can't even begin to start on where we are going in life.. But as long as we are together we will make it through anything.. Thank you for being there, for your support, your love, your forgivness... I love you so much...
Then lyrics By Brad Paisely
I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mezmorized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then
Chorus
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then
And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then
Chorus
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea, stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then
I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before
And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then
Friday, January 23, 2009
January 23, 2009
We spent our anniversary in Las Vegas Last weekend. I can't believe it has been a year, it went by so fast. We stayed at the Stratosphere and spent most of our time walking. If you go to Vegas take the bus because that first day we walked 11 miles. We were exhausted. We went everywhere. We went to the M&M factory and got our wedding colors in M&M's, now we are to afraid to eat them for the price we paid. The best buffet was at Treasure Island, try there mini donuts they are good. The shows were fun to see at night and the city is a whole different world compared to here. Sunday we went to Mandalay Bay to see the sharks and went to the cheesecake Factory for our anniversary dinner. It was a lot of fun I am glad we went. When we got home we ate the top of our wedding cake and it was actually still really good. We went to the Jazz game the next night that was Stewart's present, which he loved and they won. I got a beautiful necklace. It was a great weekend I wish we could get away again soon it was well worth it.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Friday, January 2, 2009
January 2, 2009
This past month has been crazy. I'm sorry I don't have pictures we can't get them off the camera right now but there are some good ones so I hope we have them soon. We are in our new place boxes still surround us since we moved yesterday. Thank you everybody that helped us move we really appreciate it we don’t know what we would have done without you. We now live in North Ogden now and we like it so far. Stewart’s Christmas present was a new car which we should hopefully have pictures of soon. Christmas was fun since it was our first Christmas together; we had a lot of fun surprising each other. New Year’s Eve was not as fun we packed all night to get ready to go, but it was worth it. I hope to have pictures soon. Write you later.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
December 3rd
So I haven't written in forever. These are a few pictures from Halloween. That was a lot of fun Stewart and I were Barbie and Ken. Thanksgiving was a lot of fun too and with the holidays coming up I am so excited. I love Christmas, we got the tree up Thanksgiving night while we waited to go to Wal-mart at four in the morning to grab our new TV. The TV is sweet it’s a 42” LCD Polaroid. We got it for a good deal, we had to run out of the store. We have been stuck on The OC, we are on the second season and we love it. I wanted to say congratulations to my friend Katie Evans she just found out she was pregnant today. We are all so excited for her! Well hopefully I will write soon.
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