I have never liked to say I couldn't do something, but there are some things I feel I can not do. Ride a huge roller coaster for example or sing solo in front of a large audience. My body feels as though it wont let me. No matter how much I want to, I can't. I look at it and think it is strange that my body can tell me what to do better than my brain sometimes. Sometimes I want to run fast and far yet my body feels like Jello and will not go. For the first time in my life I have felt strong. Well stronger than before. My body feels strong and healthy. My head although weighed down with life is free like it has never been. And my spirit.. feels alive. Even between working full time (actual work not just holding cute babies all day), two college classes, classes for work, and having time to clean the house, homework, dinner, and writing this long blog. I made it and I am still making it.
I love being busy there is something that makes my world seem right when I never have time to breathe. So to say 'I couldn't do something I don't have time,' time is all i have. I have so much more to learn, so much more to see, so much more to be. It's that potential I have to be someone that gets me up every morning in hope that being someone might start today. I can be what I would like to be in life but in the end I hope that I can be someone not just for me but for everyone that needed me. Potential is always looked down on, such as when someone say "You have potential, but.." How many of us dwell on that 'but'? And how many of us dwell on our potential? I have the potential to be someone. I am not sure what I will be but I hope it can be said that I was a Wife, a Mother, a Lover, a Giver, a Friend. There is not much more in life to hope for but that.
We have memories of the people that have shaped us to who we have become. But we ultimately had to chose to be that person we are now. Examples in life are the people that have shown us their true character and we have chosen to be like them. My Mother is strong, giving, and beautiful in all the ways a mother should be. My Father is independant and honest. Now the hundreds of others that have shaped my choice to be what I can become are people that probably don't even know. I have watched people unhappily living their life. I have seen those in desperate search for attention turn to vile things that have shaped them and they cannot escape. I have seen the worst in people. Yet, everyone has a side that they are not proud of but it depends on who knows they can be the best or settle (on things around them or on themselves.)
Everyone has the potential for greatness, more than they could imagine. I can be great and I can be what I choose to be. No one can pick my life for me. That is why it is mine. My Life.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
A Choice
Sometimes life has a twist. One twist that effects every outcome for the rest of your life. The one thing that will change your choice of direction forever. My twist changed everything but it didn’t define who I am. Just who I could be, depending on my choices after it.
My choice started October almost two years ago. When my best friend knelt down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Right then my choice was the easiest choice I have ever made ‘yes.’
From that moment to the next when asked if I would be his wife, another ‘yes,’ my life made sense. My convictions made sense. I had made my choice. I loved him, I always would. I didn’t know then that those were the easiest choices of my life.
I was what you could call happily married. People would still refer to us as ‘the lovebirds’ a year after we were married. And we were. We were still best friends and spent all our time together trying new things and having fun. We had our set backs, our little marriage problems but essentially we were happy. Making decisions together, making our life together really work. Was it always easy? No. Was it worth it? Oh yes.
Until I made a choice. A choice to try being happy in a new sense. One I have never seen before, felt or experienced. I felt I deserved this happiness that people experience in real life without limitations and boundaries.
I felt love through the most worldliness of eyes. I felt passion and experienced fate, or so I thought. I thought if this was life I should be living it to the fullest measure. Not measuring how much I was giving up for this ‘happiness.’
I’ve seen the world through different eyes. It is almost surreal to feel this way, as though I have been watching someone else’s movie and I had a strange connection with the main character.
A choice is something that defines who you are and who you will be. A choice will decide your fate, as I have learned fate doesn’t come to you. I believe our soul’s have many mates. Many people in the world we connect with. We all marry our soul mates because we connect with their souls stronger than anyone else’s we had met. But that doesn’t mean there is on one mate for your soul. We are humans we are meant to connect with other beings. Sometimes a strange connection when you meet someone for the first time and feel as though you have known them for a life time or the friend you have had for years that your soul connects with easily each time you drift apart or the one you love. Your soul connects in many of the same ways. That is why we are different than any other species, we choose. It is the choice, good or bad, that can make us see the worth of our souls and sometimes even make us grow.
I have seen life from different eyes. I am not proud but I have learned that true happiness is real. It is in making choices that make you lift your head proud of who you are and who you could be. I have learned the secret to being happy, not momentarily happy but truly happy, it is called confidence. Confidence is where you walk taller knowing you have been loved, dream bigger knowing you can accomplish any goal and smile, a real smile, because you know that in the end you will be happy with who you have become. A happiness that can cut through any spin in time or small act of fate. The thing is you have to make the right choices to find this happiness, the eternal kind. I promise you then you will have a lingering smile all the time because you will know who you are. You will know you are strong and have conquered what others have feared or don’t even know about. But you will hold your head high because you might be the only one who knows you made it through your struggle and you are still alive. I think it is enough though just knowing that I made it. I made my choice to be happy, forever.
My choice started October almost two years ago. When my best friend knelt down on one knee and asked for my hand in marriage. Right then my choice was the easiest choice I have ever made ‘yes.’
From that moment to the next when asked if I would be his wife, another ‘yes,’ my life made sense. My convictions made sense. I had made my choice. I loved him, I always would. I didn’t know then that those were the easiest choices of my life.
I was what you could call happily married. People would still refer to us as ‘the lovebirds’ a year after we were married. And we were. We were still best friends and spent all our time together trying new things and having fun. We had our set backs, our little marriage problems but essentially we were happy. Making decisions together, making our life together really work. Was it always easy? No. Was it worth it? Oh yes.
Until I made a choice. A choice to try being happy in a new sense. One I have never seen before, felt or experienced. I felt I deserved this happiness that people experience in real life without limitations and boundaries.
I felt love through the most worldliness of eyes. I felt passion and experienced fate, or so I thought. I thought if this was life I should be living it to the fullest measure. Not measuring how much I was giving up for this ‘happiness.’
I’ve seen the world through different eyes. It is almost surreal to feel this way, as though I have been watching someone else’s movie and I had a strange connection with the main character.
A choice is something that defines who you are and who you will be. A choice will decide your fate, as I have learned fate doesn’t come to you. I believe our soul’s have many mates. Many people in the world we connect with. We all marry our soul mates because we connect with their souls stronger than anyone else’s we had met. But that doesn’t mean there is on one mate for your soul. We are humans we are meant to connect with other beings. Sometimes a strange connection when you meet someone for the first time and feel as though you have known them for a life time or the friend you have had for years that your soul connects with easily each time you drift apart or the one you love. Your soul connects in many of the same ways. That is why we are different than any other species, we choose. It is the choice, good or bad, that can make us see the worth of our souls and sometimes even make us grow.
I have seen life from different eyes. I am not proud but I have learned that true happiness is real. It is in making choices that make you lift your head proud of who you are and who you could be. I have learned the secret to being happy, not momentarily happy but truly happy, it is called confidence. Confidence is where you walk taller knowing you have been loved, dream bigger knowing you can accomplish any goal and smile, a real smile, because you know that in the end you will be happy with who you have become. A happiness that can cut through any spin in time or small act of fate. The thing is you have to make the right choices to find this happiness, the eternal kind. I promise you then you will have a lingering smile all the time because you will know who you are. You will know you are strong and have conquered what others have feared or don’t even know about. But you will hold your head high because you might be the only one who knows you made it through your struggle and you are still alive. I think it is enough though just knowing that I made it. I made my choice to be happy, forever.
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